It seems like yesterday that when Con admitted he had slept with another person(s) in his 2014-15 Christmas Poland trip, which was only 1 month after he soundly promised to only hookup with those selected 5-fuckbuddy rule. He said he enjoyed it so much with Chem sex, which I thought it was just a line or two of cocaine, I did not suspect it was meth at all back in 2015 January.
Why I bring this up is because when he was telling me the story, he never apologized for breaking his promise, yet he rationalized for doing that would help him make it easier to leave his boyfriend to be with me. In other words, he rationalized it was all for me…
I was silent back then to process what he just said. On the surface he made it sounded like he was doing something for me… quickly my logic kicked in and it didn’t make sense. He was justifying his cheating behavior on my expense. What difference does it make by having one more cheat than those dozen of cheats he fucked behind his boyfriend’s back?
No matter what Con has done, he never ever genuinely apologize for anything(except the time he wanted to borrow money from me). Instead, any time he felt he had to get out of any explanation, he would insult me with a halfbaked-apology then negate the apology he had just made with justifications, qualifications or self-pity. Moreover, later on when I read some articles about narcissistic behavior and came to realize he never really truly sorry for anything that he did. If he apologize, he would just do a “fauxpology” (a false apology.) Our relationship after 2015 was filled with these fauxpologies :
- “I am sorry but there is nothing I can do about it.” (I asked him why he kept asking me if I have brought him new jockstraps from USA, but yet he said he was not in mood for sex at all with me because he was so stressed.)
- “I am sorry you feel so insecure because I haven’t returned any of your hundreds of SMS over the week!” (On that day I loaned him another $20,000, Con said he would go out to brunch the day after, but ghosted me for a week, of course, he cashed the cheque immediately.)
- “I am sorry you came up with crazy mind-made stories of me cheating and lying, I was just busy working you are over-sensitive and paranoid! You made up all these stories and fit me into it, you are crazy!”
- “Stop asking for intimacy time, you are being so selfish! I am stressed from work, with my boyfriend’s eyes on me 24/7. It’s not always about you, I have a life too, you are just using me for sex!” (He already broken up and living on his own having sex party all the time!)
A narcissist never admits even horrendous mistakes and when confronted, Con, a classice narcissist is never, ever wrong, and he likes to present “proof” that he is correct. The narcissist cannot accept responsibility for making a mistake and he is expert at diverting the blame to others – (“It’s not my fault. I lost that Starbucks job because I felt so embarrassed to stay there after the debt collection was exposed”, “You were acting so outrageous pushing me away, your help of money did not matter, you made me hate you, ”, “If you didn’t take so long to leave your Boyfriend, I wouldn’t have the desire to not tell you I have moved out from my ex for two years!”). A narcissist will never admit even horrendous mistakes and when confronted, he will deflect, delay and tell more lies. He believes he is invincible and perfect.
Funnily a narcissist can also have a fragile ego. ALWAYS confidently standing HIS ground and not backing down EVEN HE KNOWS HE IS SO SO WRONG. psychological rigidity seems like a sign of strength but in contrary it is a weakness. By warping HIS very perception of reality and challenge obvious facts in order to defend himself for not being wrong in the first place. HE IS compelled to stubbornly holding his ground is to protect his delicate & fragile ego.
the Epitome of a Sociopath’s Evil Atrocious Game 