He Lies Cheats Not Because I Lack Of

He Does Because He is.

For months after months, there were so many so many moments of each day, I asked myself over and over again —Why and why, am I not good enough? What and why he has changed so drastically? What was wrong with me? More importantly, what do these boys have that I don’t?

Con would like to imply that I will never be good enough for him, oh no, not just imply, he in many occasions literally blaming and accusing me with these following reasons, here is the list:

• I have changed so much from when we met, I am not the old me
• I had pretended until my true selfish self came in, that I am much less than perfect
• I am righteous
• I do not listen
• I am overbearing
• I am too available, suffocating him
• I do not know my place I asked for too much attention when his work was in deep water
• I only shower him material gifts but I didn’t give him enough emotional support that he was desperate in need for
• I am an disappointment when it comes to not able to offer what he wanted, the loans were just merely money that he would pay back and it should not mean more than that
• I am insecure I don’t feel loved
• I never accommodated, I made him flex to fit in my actions, schedules, requests and needs (this one is beyond BS, he went far beyond manipulation, he completely deflected what he had been doing to me and blame me)

Today, suddenly an Ah-Ha moment came knocking on my door, it’s like the sky decided to grace New York City with today’s summer-like weather … A gay man like Con who goes hoarding around down-low almost like force-feeding himself rounds and rounds of videotaped promiscuous risky act then tell nasty irresponsible lies to people who love him, he cheats and lies not because I am or anyone he ditches have anything they lack of, he does because he is, in other words, he is the one who lack of something, something he is not smart or honest enough to tell himself, but only by manifesting and trailing each guy he meets to see what that could be. At his age, it looks like he is more lost than ever — besmirch relationship one after another, a tarnished career, a frail soul and physical body, begrimed reputation, AND the sad thing is, he is never going to find it.